


unbinding the chains that held you back

by revolutionsoftheheart



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 17:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1656014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revolutionsoftheheart/pseuds/revolutionsoftheheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Her prepared speech vanished from her mind, and she hesitated. Regina didn’t really know why she had suddenly felt the need to see him. She had left her house without thinking and was beginning to remember why impulsive decisions were bad. She should bolt and pretend she never came here, but a stronger pull kept her in place, eyes riveted to his.</i>
</p>
<p>Set during 3x18 Bleeding Through. Scene goes from the moment Snow White leaves Regina's manor to the kiss. Regina introspection and thought process leading up to the moment she finds Robin Hood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	unbinding the chains that held you back

**Author's Note:**

> x1000 thanks to [accio-ambition](http://accio-ambition.tumblr.com) for the beta! I made a new friend writing this story, and you are not going anywhere. Thank you again! 
> 
> Disclaimer: All quotes and recognizable dialogue are taken directly from the show and therefore are not mine. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. :)

A gentle breeze started, making Regina shiver, and she wrapped her arms around her midsection in an attempt to conserve some heat. She could see her breath as it escaped her mouth and made contact with the chill of the night. The mayor stood on her porch, bidding farewell to Snow after more heartfelt confessions that she had thought possible -- and it wasn’t because she lacked the organ at the moment.

The once-Evil Queen gazed wistfully at the image of her stepdaughter walking down the path from her house. They had agreed to meet the following day to plan their next move against Zelena. There had been no sighting of her green sister since she had stolen her heart. Whatever the Wicked Witch had planned for them, it seemed like they would get to live another day.

When Snow reached the street, she glanced back at the Queen and sent a supportive smile her way, echoing their previous conversations, reassuring her that she still meant every word.

It warmed Regina’s empty chest but only for a brief moment, as the familiar ache of her fears settled back in. She couldn’t bring herself to curve her own lips in response to her stepdaughter, her soul still bare and unsettled by their conversation, but the genuinely thankful look in her glistening eyes seemed enough for Snow. The pregnant woman turned on her heels and walked into the night, leaving the mayor alone with her thoughts. Regina appreciated her stepdaughter’s presence that day more than she could say, and she kept her eyes fixed on her retreating form until Snow White was so far down the street that Regina couldn’t distinguish her from the scenery of the town.

The Queen waited until she couldn’t stand the cool air a moment longer before retreating back into her too big and eerily silent home, closing the door just as a freezing draft snuck in. Shivers ran down her spine as she locked the door, but she made no move to step further into the warmth of her house.

She couldn’t. There was none to be found, only icy loneliness waiting eagerly for her.

The place she had procured for herself in Storybrooke was magnificent, appropriate for a Queen. It was richly decorated, and the comfort it provided would make anyone envious. But it wasn’t a home, even if she referred to it as such. If she were completely honest with herself, it hadn’t been one since Emma came to town to poke holes in her perfect -- or so she thought at the time -- cursed life.

A home was supposed to be a place full of life, or maybe those were only the long lost dreams of what she had always imagined home should be -- the dreams she had of escaping her mother’s ruling fist with Daniel. But those fantasies were long gone. They were floating remnant hopes of a life she could never have.

Reality was completely different. It had squashed her youthful desires and stripped her of goodness, and her mansion was the exact replica of the aching emptiness Regina felt inside, instead of being the homely place she had dreamed of before royalty imposed itself in her life. The whiteness of her house nagged at her, like it knew about the horrors she had committed. It made her feel small and powerless. She was and would always be the darkness lurking in the light, no matter what Snow White believed. Her heart was blackened by years of anger. It had been everything she had for so long, and her life without it was unfathomable. If walls could talk, Regina’s house would be laughing at her, at the fact that the pure colour surrounding her was merely a façade. It was something to hold on to, to pretend -- something to fill the void her life had become. Daniel, her father, her mother, even Henry in some ways, were all gone. She was lonely and an outsider, her fears choking the little strength she had.

Regina tried to step away from the door, but she wavered and had to grip the door handle to steady herself. She sighed and let her forehead drop on the door, palms pressed against the wood, as she tried to catch her breath and push away the tears that threatened to fall.

The events of the day -- of the week -- had taken their toll on her. Waking up in Storybrooke with no memories; the town rallying against her as usual; discovering she had an older sister she knew nothing about; being thrown across the street and into the clock tower; facing her mother’s ghost; and finally reconciling with her lifelong enemy… It was a lot to take in for anyone. 

Her discussion with Snow might have helped ease past demons, but the Queen didn’t feel better for it. Her walls had crumbled today, and she felt weak without them. _Regina, I’ve seen what life has thrown at you, and you still fight against the darkness every single day._ Snow had so much faith in her that every fiber of her being trembled with anxiety at the thought of disappointing her. They had just discovered their family’s history was even more complicated than they originally thought, but it didn’t change the fact that, every time Snow White had believed in her, the Evil Queen had failed her stepdaughter and embraced the open arms of darkness. 

_You are the feast. And the darkness has tasted you. The darkness likes how you taste, dearie. It doesn’t mind the bitter. And now that it has started the meal, it’s going to finish it._ Regina was so afraid of falling back into her old habits.What made this time so different? What did Snow see in her? She didn’t want to take a risk if it meant going back to that place. Trusting her heart -- or her soul -- was too dangerous.

_You still turn your back on every opportunity for happiness._ Zelena had mocked her, but she had been right. Deflecting her hopes and dreams was the only way Regina could make sure they wouldn’t be crushed. It was the only way she wouldn’t be hurt.

She turned around and let go of the door she was still leaning on. There was no purpose in staying in the foyer; she wasn’t about to go anywhere.

As Regina climbed the few steps leading to the inside of her manor, she quickened her pace, thinking she had seen a movement out of the corner of her eye. She found herself standing at the entrance of her living room, staring at the curtains that were dancing to the wind coming in through the open window. She chastised herself for even thinking someone could have been there. She was alone in an empty house. There was no one; there could never be anyone. Henry was staying at Granny’s with Emma and didn’t even know who she truly was to him. And there hadn’t been anyone else coming willingly to her house in a very long time. She was just becoming afraid of her own shadow -- which said much of her current state of mind.

She felt drained, and her remaining courage was slowly fading. The Queen wiped away the new tears forming before they fell on her cheeks. The only thing she wanted was to let herself fall to the ground and pull up her knees against her chest. She wanted to stop **feeling**. She thought not having her heart would make her less vulnerable to her own emotions. _I know you. You feel things deeply. With or without it, you feel things with your whole soul_. Regina bit her bottom lip hard, teeth digging into the soft flesh, hoping the pain would chase away her torments. Her feelings were supposed to be numb, yet the Queen had never felt with more clarity than she did now.

There was a tumultuous battle for the control of her soul happening inside her. On one side, she could distinctively hear the voices of her past, those who had shaped her into what we was now, Cora and Rumpelstiltskin, luring her back toward her old path. Despite her mother’s controlling and abusive behaviour, she couldn’t find it in herself to completely despise her -- she was her mother -- and Rumple had been her mentor for so long that his voice was difficult to shake out of her head. With their guidance, she had cast a curse out of revenge, and she had despaired when she found out it wasn’t enough. She wanted justice for her lost love, but all those she cared about came to die in the process, and it made her even lonelier. There was this constant shout in her ear, this loud and imposing voice reminding her of her past deeds and telling her she didn’t deserve to be happy.

But, outside the shadows of her heart, there were soft whispers, pushing her towards the light. Snow’s bright and hopeful tone, followed by Tinkerbell’s light voice, and Henry’s, then the other members of the dysfunctional family she had come to be a part of.

Suddenly pushing away all doubts from her mind, Regina made a split second decision, grabbed her coat, and left her manor before she could hesitate.

Night had settled down by the time she arrived at the Merry Men’s camp. She had chosen to walk. If she had taken her car, it would have been too easy to turn back. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Regina thought -- hoped -- that if she was on foot and ran, he would catch up to her. She could always use magic to leave if needed, but she was hoping it wouldn’t come to that. For a reason she ignored, using magic around him made her feel uneasy. 

The Queen had subconsciously decided to meet him on her terms, so she had prepared a speech in her head on her way to the forest, a way to approach Robin Hood without scaring him -- or her. She made up an excuse for her visit: she was going to check on the man who had risked his son’s life for her heart and take him up on his offer of a drink. He had looked so terribly guilty earlier in the day. Regina was going to go reassure him that everything was fine. The thief wanted to help, so she would inform him of the latest details brought to the table by their encounter with her mother. He would no doubts have questions for her, and she would answer them. They were going to talk, simply talk.

The clearing where the Merry Men stayed was dead quiet, the darkness of the night lulling Robin and his men to sleep, the moon barely visible through the branches. The fire burning in the center of the camp was the only light guiding Regina’s way. It made her feel like an intruder. She shouldn’t be here; she didn’t have the right to be. _Did you ever go back and find him? The man with the lion tattoo._ The mayor sighed, moving forward despite her brain telling her, yelling at her, to run away. Snow was right. She had to stop burying her feelings.

Using the bushes as cover, the Queen rounded the camp to try to find the thief. There was a man keeping watch around the flames, but it wasn’t Robin. She sighed in disappointment. She had made it this far; she didn’t want to leave simply because the man was asleep. Who knew when she’d gather the courage to do this again.

She saw another flicker of light far on her left and went to investigate, mixed feelings of hope and apprehension invading her body.

Regina couldn’t stop her lips from curving into a small smile when she found him -- the irony of the thought not lost on her. The Queen wondered why he was separated from his camp. The woods weren’t safe with her sister bent on destroying their lives, and Robin knew that better than anyone. He didn’t seem like the type of person to take unnecessary risks. Then again, she wasn’t supposed to be either, yet here she was.

Regina stopped in her tracks, her nerves getting the better of her. She stayed hidden and observed him. Robin was sitting on a log and absent-mindedly poking the fire with a stick, his gaze lost on the earth at his feet, his face plastered with guilt. She gasped at the emotion she saw there. He had already apologized, and she had told him she understood. Why would he be filled with remorse? The concern he projected nudged Regina out of her trance -- she could keep staring at him forever -- and gave her the strength she needed to make her presence known.

He rose immediately at the sound of crunching leaves, evident surprise marking his features. He was facing her completely when she stopped in her stride a foot from him. Her eyes were still puffy and red from her emotional chat with her stepdaughter -- so much for not having a heart -- but if the outlaw noticed, he didn’t say anything.

 “M’lady,” he started as soon as she was next to him, “I’m sorry.” His tone was genuine, and Regina could see he had been mentally torturing himself ever since he lost her heart. “I let you down,” he continued, not giving her time to reply, slowly knocking away her rational thinking. “Your heart was lost to Zelena on my watch, but I promise you, I will get it back,” the sincerity in his voice was overwhelming and resonated throughout her body. She couldn’t comprehend the depth her emotions reached; it was something she usually didn’t allow herself to feel.

Her prepared speech vanished from her mind, and she hesitated. Regina didn’t really know why she had suddenly felt the need to see him. She had left her house without thinking and was beginning to remember why impulsive decisions were bad. She should bolt and pretend she never came here, but a stronger pull kept her in place, eyes riveted to his.

She heard Zelena’s voice again. _You just don’t take risks._ Daniel’s. _Love again._ Cora’s. _Love is weakness, Regina._ Snow’s. _Your heart will find its way to happiness._ Tinkerbell’s. _Was being happy such a terrible faith?_ Rumpelstiltskin’s. _Is that jealousy? Of having someone._ Her father’s. _Start over._

_Villains don’t get happy endings_. Regina knew it, better than anybody else.

She wanted the voices to stop.

Henry was added to the whispers in her head, louder than everybody else. _You’re not evil; you’re my mom._ She could still feel the pressure of his palm squeezing her shoulder, giving her the last push she needed.

Everyone but her had dictated her choices. She had always been morphed and shaped to serve her mother’s or Rumpelstiltskin’s purposes. The risk she was taking now, she was taking it for her and no one else.

She grabbed the lapels of Robin’s jacket with anticipation, in a desperate attempt to take control over something, some part of her life, and yanked him roughly towards her, planting her lips on his.

The contact knocked the air out of her. The Queen completely lost herself in the feeling of his mouth pressed to hers, of their breaths mingling. It ignited a new form of fire inside her, one that wasn’t born out of anger. The outlaw staggered into her from the force of her pull, and she had to put a foot back to prevent from falling, but she kept their bodies together, almost afraid to let go. Her heart -- wherever it was -- seemed to have a mind of its own. Regina could only guess how fast it was beating.

Kissing him had sounded easy enough, but she hadn’t done this in so long -- let alone with actual feelings involved -- and, after a moment, she panicked.

She pushed Robin gently and backed away, and, no doubt sensing her uncertainty, he respected her choice. Which left them staring at each other, breaths still hot from their close contact, vapour filling the chilly night air between them.

Regina stood unmoving, gaping at him, holding her breath, praying that her lack of self-control didn’t repulse him forever, that she had made the right call by kissing him.

The thief didn’t move either, and she felt the shame of her actions starting to drag her down. This had been a mista-

The Queen barely registered the hunger veiling his clear blue eyes before he dived back for her mouth, his lips crushing hers somehow roughly and tenderly at the same time. Relief washed over her as she lost herself in his embrace.

In this moment, Regina didn’t care about the lion crest printed on his forearm and its meaning for her future. Of course, she wouldn’t be able to escape the impending destiny chat with Tinkerbell when word of this reached the fairy’s ears, but, right now, the only thing the Queen could think of was how right this felt -- how right **he** felt. Every moment she had spent with him in the past week had kept her grounded and had empowered her in her fight against Zelena. She moaned in his mouth as he deepened their kiss, which only seemed to make his desire even more palpable, and he pressed their bodies together. She yearned for the contact, for the close proximity of his presence. It was as if she could feel him surrounding her, protecting her, and it was intoxicating.

It wasn’t because of his tattoo -- no, she was running from the man with the lion tattoo, had always been running from him. That man was a mirage, a ghost from another life. _I think we’ve wasted our last day being haunted by the past._ Snow’s words to her were still ringing in her ear, and Robin was here, in the present. He had been there for her every step of the way. From their first meeting, the thief saw her as Regina. He never once brought up her past actions, which was the only thing every one in town ever seemed capable of doing. He prodded her gently for answers, never doing anything to deliberately hurt her -- she had given him permission to read Rumpelstiltskin’s letter. He apologized twice for putting his son first, even though he knew she understood the first time. She was a parent too; she would have done the same for Henry.

The truth was that Regina feared the tattoo-man, as she came to refer to her supposed soul mate in her mind, but tonight, she decided to give Robin Hood a chance -- the man she had come to know in a matter of days and who made her heart flutter like a teenage girl with her first crush. She wouldn’t think about the lion tattoo; this was about Robin and herself. Not the past: the present. The now.

Oxygen being a vital human need, they ultimately had to separate. But even as their lips parted, their fingers tugged at each other, trying to compensate for the loss of contact. She could feel the warmth of his palm on her neck, and her own fists clenched tighter to his jacket. They were mere centimeters apart, foreheads and noses touching, hot breaths blending together, eyes closed. He smelled of forest and firewood and a small hint of orange, and she couldn’t help but think that she wanted to be wrapped in that scent forever. Neither of them made a move to back away, and the only reason they weren’t going for another round was because they were both still heavily panting. She could feel his presence around her, and it seemed to repair something inside Regina that she had thought eternally broken. Years of suffering were being soothed, and that alone was a good reason never to let go. 

_Love doesn't work that way. Love, true love, is magic. Not just any magic. The most powerful magic of all. It creates happiness._  

She tilted her head up, and the corners of her mouth shyly turned up as their eyes met. Robin bit his lower lip and smiled coyly in response before leaning in again. He captured her lips tenderly and swayed them to the music of the cold night breeze, the rustling of leaves and the crackling of the fire, his hand playing with her hair.

Regina felt the weight of her past lift of her shoulders. The man she held in her arms could be her future, and something told her to trust him with it. So she let him invade her senses and returned his kiss with a new conviction, holding on to him as if he was her lifeline.


End file.
